See what professionals and recent brides have to say about what you absolutely must know before you begin planning.
Organizing a wedding already causes enough anxiety. When you're both of the above yet most of the information available is geared towards a bride and groom, it might be difficult to figure out what to do. We've compiled some tried-and-true tips for organising a wedding with people of the same sex to help you keep your sanity.
Wedding Planning Tips
1. Not Focusing On What You "Should" Be Doing Will Help.
Rather than stressing over how to have your ceremony conform to (straight) convention, use it as an opportunity to host an event exactly as you'd like it, free of the outdated "must-haves" that have no significance for you. According to Bernadette Smith, founder of the event design company 14 Stories, "many same-sex couples don't have gender responsibilities in their relationship, so they have the opportunity to recreate the wedding."
2. Do Something Different With Your Wedding Guests.
Is it really a rule that only the males get to name the best man and maids of honour, or that maids of honour are just for the women? Pick the people you wish to join you at the altar and give them appropriate names, regardless of their sexual orientation. Some examples of wedding party roles are the groomsmen, bridesmaids, man of honour, and best lady. The group might also be referred to as the "I Do Crew" or the "Bridal Brigade." Alternatively, you and your spouse can do without any helpers.
3. Get A Head Start On Your Clothing Planning.
Looking your best in tuxedos and suits is easy to come by when you're shopping with another man. Not if you're the kind of bride who refuses to put on a dress. Lacey Vorrasi-Banis, who married Kelly in Norwich, CT in 2011, adds, "The hardest part was dressing." When asked what she wore, she said, "I didn't want to wear a dress, but there weren't many options, and everything I kept seeing online depicted lesbians in ill fitted clothing." Having an outfit designed or custom-made for you is a great option if you have the means to do so, but if not, starting months in advance allows you time to discover reasonable discounts and styles you'll be happy to wear down the aisle. And if you and your future wife are both wearing outfits that you haven't seen each other in yet, here's a pro tip: Smith suggests showing your buddy or planner images of your outfits before you leave the house. If you and your prospective wife are going to end up clashing in terms of casualness, style, or colour, they can point you in the right path.
4. You Can Trust In Social Media.
Confused about how your wedding invitations, vows, or other elements should look? It's perfect for such purposes to use Pinterest. For instance, The Knot features a special board loaded with same-sex wedding ideas, as well as a plethora of genuine wedding images and galleries brimming with ingenious concepts.
5. Mark The Occasion With Your Presence.
The man traditionally stands at the altar, expecting his bride to come to him down the aisle. What then, if there are two grooms, or two brides? What's most important is finding a compromise that works for both of you. Below are a few suggestions:
- Follow one another in order down the aisle.
- Together, you should make your way down the aisle.
- Together, proceed along the aisles that lead to the altar.
- Whoever goes first down the aisle at the ceremony should flip a coin.
6. There's Still Time For The Pre-Party.
Even if you and your best friend are both single, it shouldn't stop you from throwing a party. So plan your weekend in Las Vegas or your trip to the vineyard, and even your showers if you have different views regarding who should be included and where they should take place. Smith observes, "It's very uncommon for two couples to throw a party on the same night and then reunite at the end of the night."
7. Keep An Eye Out For Rude Merchants.
Although same-sex marriage is now legal, "I don't think a lot of planners and couples realise how many individuals don't support marriage equality," adds Smith. Michael Russo, a celebrity wedding planner, discovered this the hard way when he was organising his own wedding. A gospel choir was something he really wanted to have at his wedding. Although Russo had discovered the choir through an online resource proclaiming their availability for "same-sex marriages and unions," he was finally informed that the group would not be able to perform at his wedding owing to religious objections. But it taught him a lesson that he now shares with his LGBT customers: Make it obvious from the get-go that you and your business partner are both of the same sex if you're just starting off with a new supplier. That manner, any businesses with objections can voice them without wasting your time.
8. You Should Consider Investing In A Planner.
Though not everyone can afford one, a wedding planner can help you save time by recommending locations and clergy who are open to performing same-sex weddings, as well as by conducting preliminary vendor interviews on your behalf to save you the trouble of doing so. According to Smith, "a planner's responsibility is to be their client's advocate."
9. Think Carefully About Where You Want To Go On Your Honeymoon Before Making A Reservation.
If you've come up with a list of ideal vacation spots, including some foreign ones, it's important to do some preliminary research to eliminate any places that don't provide same-sex couples with the exact protections and cultural acceptance that they have in the United States. Then your honeymoon will be as wonderful as your wedding day.
FAQs About Same Sex Weddings
Civil partnership certificates include the names of both parents, whereas marriage certificates only contain the father's name. Civil partnerships are registered by signing the civil partnerships document, whereas marriages are solemnised by saying a prescribed form of words.