Now that your son is all grown up and ready to tie the knot, your role as his mother is evolving. You’re no longer just Mum; you’re now the mother of the groom. The wedding planning process can be a whirlwind, testing the sanity of even the most composed parents. While the bride’s family often takes on the bulk of the planning, the groom’s parents who want to be involved can experience similar feelings of excitement and stress.
It’s a common but outdated saying that the groom’s mother should “show up, shut up, and wear beige.” This old adage doesn’t hold true for most modern weddings, where the mother of the groom has specific and meaningful duties. Here’s how you can navigate your new role with grace and involvement.
Summary
As the mother of the groom, your role in the wedding planning process is evolving. While traditionally less involved, modern weddings often see the groom’s mother taking on meaningful duties. Reach out to the bride’s mother early, discuss financial responsibilities, and offer support without imposing your opinions. Key tasks include planning the rehearsal dinner, managing the groom’s family guest list, and attending pre-wedding events like the bridal shower. Stay available, coordinate with the bride’s mother on fashion choices, and help with wedding preparations. Remember, focus on supporting your son and his partner, even if you don’t agree with every detail.
Mother of the Groom Duties
Reach Out to the Mother of the Bride
As soon as the engagement is announced, reach out to the bride’s mother to express your joy and willingness to help. A simple phone call or letter can foster open communication and set a positive tone for the planning process. Offer to start planning the rehearsal dinner and let her know you’re available to assist in other ways if needed.
Understand Financial Responsibilities Early On
Discuss the financial aspects of the wedding early to avoid any misunderstandings. Clarify how both families will contribute and what is expected from each side. This proactive approach helps prevent conflicts and ensures everyone is on the same page.
Be Available
Stay available and willing to participate in the planning process. Whether it’s dress shopping or attending appointments, your presence can be valuable. This is your chance to be involved and supportive.
Let the Bride and Her Mother Lead the Way
Respect the bride and her mother’s leadership in major wedding decisions. While it’s important to offer support, avoid imposing your opinions unless absolutely necessary. Discretion and encouragement are key to maintaining harmony.
Handle Your Traditional Responsibilities
Manage the groom’s side of the rehearsal dinner and ensure the guest list is prepared. Demonstrating your capability in handling these tasks can encourage the bride to seek your help in other areas.
Host an Engagement Party
Consider hosting an engagement party to celebrate the couple and get to know the bride’s family and friends. This event provides a wonderful opportunity to build relationships and share in the joy of the upcoming wedding.
Help With the Vendor Search
Offer to assist in scouting venues and vendors if you have the time. However, always check with the couple to understand their preferences and budget before making any recommendations.
Manage Your Son’s Side of the Family
Create and manage the guest list for your side of the family, ensuring it stays within the agreed-upon limit. Follow up on RSVPs and keep everyone informed about the wedding registry.
Offer Financial Assistance
While the bride’s family often covers many wedding expenses, the groom’s parents typically contribute to specific items like the rings, legal documentation, officiant fees, and the rehearsal dinner. Discuss your financial contribution with the couple to ensure it aligns with everyone’s expectations.
Keep Family Traditions Alive
Help your son incorporate important family or cultural traditions into the wedding. Discuss these traditions with the couple and offer your support in a respectful and considerate manner.
Attend the Shower
Plan to attend the bridal shower and offer your help in the preparations. This is a great way to bond with the bride’s family and show your support.
Coordinate Day-Of Fashion With the Mother of the Bride
Collaborate with the bride’s mother to avoid any wardrobe clashes. While you don’t have to wear beige, it’s important to follow the wedding’s colour scheme and dress code.
Help With Wedding Day Preparations
Offer your assistance with DIY projects and other preparations leading up to the big day. Your support can make a significant difference and help ensure everything runs smoothly.
Plan and Host the Rehearsal Dinner
Traditionally, the groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner. Plan this event with care, coordinating with the bride’s family as needed.
Be Present on the Wedding Day
Follow the couple in the receiving line, if there is one, and be ready to support in any way you can.
Plan the Mother-Son Dance
The mother-son dance is a cherished moment. Choose a song you both love and practice a few steps to make the dance memorable.
Take Care of Yourself
Amidst all the preparations, don’t forget to look after your own wellbeing. Ensure you have your outfit ready, get a suitable haircut and colour, and maintain your health and fitness. Schedule time for relaxation and self-care leading up to and following the wedding.
What If You Don’t Like Some of the Details at Your Son’s Wedding?
It’s important to remember that the wedding is about your son and his partner. Even if you disagree with some of their choices, it’s best to keep those opinions to yourself. Focus on maintaining a positive relationship with your son and his future spouse rather than getting caught up in details that might not matter in the long run.
Conclusion
As the mother of the groom, your role in the wedding planning process can be both unique and significant. Your responsibilities will vary depending on the bride’s planning style and how much involvement they welcome. Establish realistic goals, communicate openly with your son and his partner, and focus on providing support and encouragement. By doing so, you’ll contribute to a joyful and memorable wedding celebration.
FAQs About Mother’s Groom Role In A Wedding
What Should The Mother Of The Groom Not Do?
Here are the seven things a mother of the groom should never do.
- Wear white. The same goes for ivory, cream, or any other light neutral.
- Dress like a bridesmaid.
- Overly criticise.
- Insist on the guest list.
- Skip the bridal shower.
- Make empty offers.
- Upstage with the rehearsal dinner.
What Is Proper Etiquette For The Mother Of The Groom?
Etiquette holds that the Groom and his family cover the rehearsal dinner expenses, floral for immediate family and the Bride’s bouquet, and the officiant fees. If you cover these, let them know upfront.
Who Walks The Mother Of The Groom Down?
Groomsman
As the wedding begins, the groom’s mother will be escorted down the aisle, to the first pew, right-hand side, by the head usher or a groomsman who is a family member. A nice touch includes the groom escorting his mother down the aisle. As the groom’s mother is escorted to her seat, her husband will follow behind.
Should The Mother Of The Groom Give The Bride A Gift?
The groom’s mother traditionally brings a small gift to the bridal shower. When it comes to the wedding itself, the groom’s mother can give the bride a more sentimental gift, like a family heirloom, to officially welcome her into the family.
Does The Groom Dance With His Mother?
The mother-son dance is a popular tradition for the groom during wedding reception celebrations. The groom will take his mother out on the dance floor for a special dance together for this tradition. It is a time for the groom to focus on his mother and create a special one-on-one moment.
