When you’re about to make a significant life decision, like buying a car or choosing a new phone, you likely take the time to research and consider your options carefully. The same should apply to your relationships. But why do many of us hesitate to seek help with our relationships? Premarital counselling is a resource that can help strengthen your relationship before you take the big step of getting married.
Summary
Premarital counselling helps couples prepare for marriage by addressing important topics like finances, parenting, conflict resolution, and communication. It improves marital satisfaction, reduces the likelihood of divorce, and provides valuable insights into each partner’s expectations and values. While not mandatory, it offers a strong foundation for a lasting marriage by helping couples navigate potential challenges before they arise.
Hesitation Around Premarital Counselling
Many people might feel uncomfortable with the idea of premarital counselling because it might seem like admitting that things aren’t perfect. Others might need to see the point, thinking that no one knows their relationship better than they do. However, getting an objective opinion from a professional can be incredibly valuable.
What To Expect From Premarital Counselling?
Discussing Important Issues
In premarital counselling, you’ll discuss crucial and sometimes challenging topics like parenting, finances, sexuality, and more. These conversations help couples prepare for the realities of marriage. Here are some questions that might come up:
- How would you handle infertility? Would you consider adoption?
- What would you do if one partner wanted to stay home with the kids?
- What kind of example do you want to set for your children regarding your relationship?
- How would you manage conflicts with less-than-favorite friends or family members?
- Which behaviours are non-negotiable in your marriage, such as infidelity, financial dishonesty, or substance abuse?
These discussions can reveal important truths about each other and help you navigate future challenges more effectively.
Strengthening Communication
A counsellor will observe how you and your partner interact and provide feedback on resolving conflicts more effectively, setting realistic expectations, and cultivating your relationship’s strengths. By focusing on the positives, counselling helps reinforce the things you already value in each other.
Why Consider Premarital Counselling?
Preparing For Married Life
Premarital counselling equips couples with the tools to handle the challenges of married life. It improves communication, provides a safe space to discuss sensitive topics, and makes couples more aware of potential areas that need improvement. It also fosters a positive outlook on therapy, making couples more likely to seek help in the future if needed.
Reduced Likelihood Of Divorce
Studies have shown that premarital counselling can reduce the likelihood of divorce a lot more. Couples who invest time in counselling are better prepared to handle the ups and downs of marriage.
Addressing Key Issues Before Marriage
Managing Family Stress
Marriage adds new dimensions of stress, especially for extended families. It’s important to discuss how each partner deals with stress and how their approaches can complement each other. What if one partner prefers to handle stress alone while the other needs to talk things out? Discussing these differences can help couples develop strategies for managing family stress together.
Setting Financial Priorities
Money is often a major source of conflict in marriages. Financial compatibility is vital, so discussing how you will handle finances, whether you’ll keep money separate or combined, who pays for what, and how to manage debt is essential. Being transparent about your financial situation before marriage can prevent future tension.
Making Joint Decisions
From choosing where to live to deciding whether to have children, marriage involves making many joint decisions. It’s important to establish a process for making decisions together. If one partner always insists on being right, it’s a red flag that should be addressed before marriage.
Discussing Parenthood
Before marriage, most couples discuss whether or not they want children and how many. However, opinions can change, and circumstances like infertility can arise. It’s important to discuss how you would handle such situations and whether you are open to options like surrogacy or adoption.
Balancing Work And Family Life
Careers can impact a marriage. It’s important to discuss how work will affect your time together, whether both partners will work after having children, and how you’ll handle unexpected job changes. It is important to understand each other’s career ambitions and how they align with family life.
Respecting Privacy
Even in the closest marriages, both partners need some alone time. It’s important to understand and respect each other’s needs for privacy and space. Discussing these needs openly can prevent feelings of suffocation or resentment.
Managing Relationships With Friends And Family
Setting boundaries with friends and family is important to avoid conflict in your marriage. Discuss how you’ll handle relationships with each other’s friends and family members, how much time you’ll spend with them, and how you’ll deal with situations where they might need help or support.
Handling Conflict
Every marriage will face conflict, so it’s important to understand how you and your partner handle disagreements. Some people prefer to resolve issues immediately, while others need time to cool off. Discussing your approaches to conflict resolution can help you avoid misunderstandings and maintain a healthy relationship.
Sexual Expectations
Sex is a significant part of marriage, yet many couples avoid discussing their sexual needs and expectations. Open and honest communication about sex is essential to avoid frustration and dissatisfaction. Discussing what you value in your sexual relationship and how you’ll handle changes in sexual desire can strengthen your bond.
The Role Of Premarital Counselling In Building A Strong Marriage
Understanding Marriage Dynamics
Premarital counselling provides a solid foundation for understanding how your relationship works before any problems arise. By familiarising yourself with therapy before marriage, you’re more likely to seek help if you encounter difficulties later on.
Addressing Role Expectations
Everyone comes into marriage with certain expectations, often shaped by their family background. Premarital counselling helps couples discuss and reconsider these expectations, ensuring that both partners are on the same page about their roles in the marriage.
Building Effective Communication Skills
One key benefit of premarital counselling is learning how to communicate effectively. This skill helps couples avoid letting small issues become major problems. By addressing potential sources of conflict early on, couples can build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
The Benefits Of Premarital Counselling
Premarital counselling offers numerous benefits, including:
- A deeper understanding of each other’s values and goals.
- Improved conflict resolution skills, preventing minor disagreements from becoming major issues.
- A greater awareness of potential challenges allows couples to address them before they become problems.
- Better communication and trust lay a strong foundation for a lasting marriage.
- A lower likelihood of divorce, with studies showing a 31% reduction in divorce rates among couples who participate in premarital counselling.
Conclusion
While premarital counselling isn’t mandatory for a happy marriage, it offers valuable tools and insights that can help couples prepare for a lifelong commitment. It provides a space to discuss important issues, learn effective communication strategies, and build a strong foundation for your future together.
In some cases, premarital counselling may reveal significant issues that could lead to a breakup. While this outcome is difficult, it can prevent the pain of entering a marriage that isn’t meant to be. Overall, the benefits of premarital counselling far outweigh any potential drawbacks. By investing time in counselling before marriage, you’re taking a proactive step towards ensuring a happy and healthy marriage.
FAQs About Premarital Counseling
Why Should You Consider Seeing a Premarital Counselor?
Premarital counseling helps identify core beliefs, set realistic expectations for marriage, plan for the future, and decide the ways in which your lives will be merged. Understanding your partner: Premarital counseling can help you develop a better understanding of your partner.
What Is Discussed During Premarital Counseling?
Regardless of which category you fit into, there are some topics you should expect to cover in premarital counseling: how you interact with each other’s family and friends; money; sex; careers; parenting; how you will handle holidays and special events; and spirituality or faith.
How Long Should Premarital Counseling Take?
Most therapists agree that anywhere from 8 – 10 weeks up to 3 – 6 month is sufficient when it comes to premarital therapy. That said, it’s important to keep in mind that how long it takes to complete premarital counseling really depends on the issues you want or need to cover throughout your sessions.
Why Do Christians Do Premarital Counseling?
Christian premarital counseling explores each person’s faith and history. It helps the couple examine personal convictions, expectations for their future, and responsibilities they will have. More than anything, premarital counseling aims to produce a marriage that is biblical and God-honoring.
What Are the Core Relational Conditions During Premarital Counselling?
The first three conditions are empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard. These first three conditions are called the core conditions, sometimes referred to as the ‘facilitative conditions’ or the ‘therapist’s conditions’.
When You Go To a Counsellor, What Can You Expect?
Discussing sensitive and potentially contentious issues like parenting, sexuality, and finances with a trained professional before tying the knot might help you and your future spouse feel more prepared for the challenges ahead.
