Will it ruin your friendship if you say no to becoming your friend's bridesmaid because you're in a serious relationship?
The answer could be related to your mutual acquaintances' backgrounds. Some businesses, for instance, might not make it if an important figure declines a prestigious award, while others may not even care or notice.
You must weigh the pros and drawbacks before making a final decision. If you've ever been a bride, you know what a big deal it is to pick your attendants. Even the most polite brides recognise they are requesting a significant number of their dearest friends when they ask them to attend their wedding.
If you've ever been a bridesmaid or read stories about them, you know that the experience can drain your resources, including time, energy, and money. If your best friend has asked you out and you're on the fence about whether or not to accept, don't feel obligated to give a yes or no answer.
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Avoiding the Role of Bridesmaid: An Etiquette Guide
Follow these steps to politely decline her invitation without damaging your friendship and risking being left out of the wedding guest list.
The first thing you should know is that saying "no" to becoming a bridesmaid does not make you an untrustworthy friend.
Being a part of a wedding is a wonderful honour and a chance to feel even more connected to the happy couple. Having to choose between attending the wedding and paying the bills does not make you a bad friend.
Furthermore, you should not feel the need to incur debt only to show the couple how much you care. Do not feel compelled to accept a bridal party invitation if money is tight for you.
If you've been asked to be a bridesmaid, it's safe to assume the happy couple knows and cares about you well enough to understand if the financial commitment is too much for you at this time.
Think It Over
One of the most frequently asked topics in online support groups is whether or not one can decline the role of bridesmaid. If you're undecided yet feeling compelled to give in to pressure, try framing your answer as a deliberate choice rather than an unavoidable duty.
She advises that if your first reaction is negative, you should politely pause and give yourself time to reconsider before responding. Recognize the gravity of the request, thank them for their friendship, and then say you need time to think about it. Give them an explanation, so they don't take it as a personal slight.
Stay the Course
It's impolite to give in to social pressure and say yes just to later regret it. If you don't intend to follow through on your promise, it's preferable not to make it right away.
Join in the celebrating fun, but don't confirm your answer at the moment if you're asked in a high-pressure group situation, as is becoming increasingly common with brides performing dramatic pop-the-question proposals.
Don't respond right now; come back to it later. Simply respond, "I'm happy to be asked, but let's meet for a coffee the week after next to go through the details," if you find yourself in the position of having to make a decision.
Give a Good Account of Why
Honesty will get you far if you want to keep the friendship alive and well. Identify the precise problem you are experiencing. Tell them that you're making this choice not because of what they think of you, but because of things outside of your control.
Experts in etiquette and wedding planning agree on one thing: Honesty is the best policy when declining the role of bridesmaid. Tell the couple that you're unable to attend the wedding owing to financial reasons.
The easiest way to deny an invitation is to be straightforward and honest in person; there's no need to elaborate. Staying away from ambiguity is the most important factor. Because otherwise, someone's feelings can get hurt when they shouldn't.
I'm flattered by the invitation to be a bridesmaid, but unfortunately, at this time, I'm unable to accept due to financial constraints. I'm very sorry if I've let you down. But I still want to show my love and support by attending the wedding and helping in any way I can.
A solid friendship should not be damaged because someone is honest about their incapacity to complete a task. You can politely decline the role of bridesmaid for any number of valid reasons, including but not limited to financial constraints or a lack of availability on the date in question.
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However, Kindness Is Required
When you decline to be a bridesmaid, it may be because of the bride herself. Perhaps she is a distant relative you no longer speak to or a former close friend with whom you have lost touch.
Being totally forthright is unwise in those circumstances. Your friend should not be held responsible for your decision to decline. Extensive justifications are unnecessary.
Communicate in Person, and Quickly
Don't send a "no" SMS message. This is one topic that, unless you live extremely far away, you should have face to face with the couple. Instead of texting, try a video or phone call if you can't meet face-to-face.
Responding to an invitation with a text or email that declines at the last minute. A hurt and outraged bride is a near certainty. You should inform the couple as soon as feasible about your decision.
It will put a strain on your relationship with the couple if you bail at the last minute, since they may want to invite someone else to join the wedding party in your place.
Just in case you forgot, discussions of this nature are best had in private. Using social media in any capacity is strictly forbidden. Refusing to participate in the wedding party is something you should discuss privately with the couple, not broadcast amongst all of your other friends.
Don't Blame the Wedding Costs on the Couple or Lie About Them!
It's not easy to bring up money problems even with trusted loved ones. Experts agree that it's never a smart idea to try and cover up the genuine reason you're declining to be a bridesmaid.
Dishonesty or an insincere explanation, such as having another important commitment on the same day, is the worst possible response to an invitation to be a bridesmaid. While it could be tempting to use a sudden illness or work emergency as an excuse, doing so would only harm your connection with the pair if the truth ever comes out.
Never blame the couple for your monetary troubles, since this will only make matters worse. That will simply cause more tension in your relationship with them and put everyone in an awkward spot.
Times If you don't want to be a bridesmaid, that's fine.
The following are examples of when it is acceptable to decline the role of bridesmaid, as determined by wedding planners. We have created the ultimate list of Hens Party Ideas for you and the girls to created a day and night she’ll never forget.
You've Grown Apart From the Bride.
Even if you and the prospective bridesmaid grew up in the same neighbourhood or spent several weeks together at camp each summer, it is perfectly okay to decline the invitation to be a bridesmaid if you and the person do not keep in regular contact.
Since you don't know the bride's whereabouts or activities prior to, during, or after the engagement and planning phase, awkwardness is inevitable. The other members of the bridal party may make you feel excluded if they include you in on jokes or talks about people or events in which you had no part.
You're in Critical Financial Straights
Much of your friends' weddings will occur in your twenties, when most of your income will go towards paying off debt and living expenses in a big city. Perhaps you're feeling a little unsteady about becoming a bridesmaid because of the thought of having to pay hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars.
Experts believe that if a bride offers you a seat on her A-list but you don't have the money to pay for it, you should politely decline the offer. Choosing not to be a bridesmaid allows you to save money for a more substantial wedding present.
Spending money you don't have on a bridesmaid's dress, accessories, hair and makeup, gifts, and transport to and from the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding can add up quickly.
To avoid suggesting to your closest friend that she would intentionally make things expensive, you'll need to let your guard down a bit. Tell her the truth about your current financial status, whether you're saving for a down purchase or didn't get the rise you were hoping for.
Tell her that you'd love to be a part of the wedding party, but that you just can't swing it financially right now. All of us here can agree that fiscal responsibility is a commendable trait.
You Must Attend To Other Matters At Present
Apparently it's not just the bride who has big plans in the near future! It's possible that you're about to embark on a huge project at work, organise a family get-together, or hear bells ringing of your own.
Whether or not you can spare the time to be in your friend's bridal party depends on your other obligations, so keep that in mind. Naturally, reassure her that you have her wedding date circled on your calendar and that you will do your best to attend any pre-wedding activities she may invite you to.
Be sure you can make it to the shower, bachelorette party, and wedding before accepting the role of bridesmaid. You will have to prioritise your commitments if you have other plans for your best friend's wedding day.
As a member of the wedding party, it is highly recommended that you do not try to prepare for two separate activities on the same day. Remember that being a bridesmaid requires a significant time and energy investment, so think carefully before saying yes unless you are truly prepared to play the role.
A difficult bride is something you can expect.
Being a supportive friend to the bride through both happy and sad times is an essential part of a bridesmaid's role. Which is to say, you should be there for her not just at the enjoyable moments, like helping her choose her wedding gown, but also during the more trying times, like when she needs to talk about the stress of wedding planning.
It's likely that if you've had any particularly difficult conversations with her in the past, or if she hasn't been a particularly good friend, or if she has a tendency to yell at or talk down to you, that this will happen again at some point before the wedding, only this time it will be even more intense.
Going through with it will only cause you worry and regret.
You've finally found your ideal job.
You've just been hired and now you have to prove yourself. So, if you're starting a new job, you can safely decline the bridesmaid role. Reduced time off and schedule flexibility often accompany a new job. Spend your time and effort diligently tending to your professional obligation.
Try not to take on too many extra responsibilities, like being a bridesmaid. You can still be a part of the wedding, but skipping the bachelorette party and bridal shower will save a lot of stress and money.
A Significant Life Change Has Recently Occurred for You.
We have no say over the timing or circumstances of life events like losing a loved one, being divorced, or suffering a serious disability that prohibits us from working or going to school.
We can, however, reduce our obligations to other activities in order to make room for these occasions. It takes time to recover from a traumatic experience, and during this period, it's best to concentrate on the most important things, restart your life, and take care of yourself.
It's fine to decline the role of bridesmaid if a major life event has transpired; the couple getting married will understand.
You are in the Process of Arranging a Wedding.
While it may sound exciting to plan a wedding at the same time as a close friend, doing so may leave you with crowded schedules, tighter funds, and an even longer list of tasks to complete.
You two may be infatuated with the notion of serving as bridesmaids at one other's weddings, but you should give it some serious thought before making a commitment. If you find after going through your checklist that you can't be both a bridesmaid and a bride, then you should let your buddy know right away.
She, as a future bride, ought to appreciate your preoccupation with wedding preparations. You should make her happy if you can fit her wedding into your calendar.
Your Family Planning Stages Have Begun or You Are Pregnant
When a woman's belly begins to expand, it can be difficult for her bridesmaids to locate a dress that flatters their shape or to feel confident in the ensemble that has been selected for them.
It's impossible to predict how long it will take to get pregnant or whether or not your due date will fall on or near your wedding date. That's why, among other things, she believes you should never plan to give birth the week before your wedding (or even close to it). On the other hand, there is the potential problem of morning sickness and the difficulty of travelling.
While expecting a child is an exciting moment, it can cause major complications if you're asked to be a bridesmaid. Morning sickness and overall pain will not put you in a celebratory mood if you are trying to conceive and will be in your first trimester during your friend's wedding. A step further?
Both the alterations and the waiting for the ceremony to end will be difficult. Being pregnant comes with a lot of unpredictability, and adding the duties of a bridesmaid on top of that could be too much to handle.
Just tell your pal how you really feel. She'll be relieved to see you settled in your place for the ceremony, where she doesn't care if your champagne glass is half empty or full.
Don't feel obligated to explain your financial situation in great detail.
Keeping some things to yourself is OK. If you're declining to be a bridesmaid because of financial concerns, there's no need to reveal your full financial situation to the newlyweds. Don't feel like you need to give a long explanation about money being a factor in your decision to decline, no matter how valid those reasons are.
Simply respond that you would be honoured to be asked but that the financial commitment would prevent you from accepting at this time. If you feel the need to defend your decision by explaining the finer points of your financial situation, such as your credit card debt, upcoming monthly repayments, or vacation savings plan, resist the urge.
You May Want to Suggest Alternative Methods The happy couple could use your assistance in wedding planning.
Even if you can't be in the wedding party, there are still plenty of ways you can lend a hand to the happy couple. Support in any form is welcome, and going out of your way to do so shows that you care about the couple and want to help in any way you can.
Don't go overboard, but know that even helping out with small, inconsequential aspects of planning would be greatly appreciated. You can volunteer to provide healthy snacks for the bridal party the night before the wedding, assist in decorating the table centrepieces, or investigate nearby lodging options for out-of-town guests.
You might provide a hand without spending a dime by offering to mail invitations or prepare flower arrangements for the wedding party.
Advice in Case the Couple Reacts Negatively to Your Decision
If you're not going to be a bridesmaid for a friend or family member, you might as well hope they don't take it personally if you don't want to be one. Here, there's nothing to be done but to wait for the smoke to clear.
While it's unfortunate that some couples react poorly to a denied bridal party invitation, it's ideal to allow the team some room to regroup if this happens. Their bad mood is usually due to wedding jitters and has nothing to do with your choice. It's normal for couples' emotions to run high in the days leading up to the wedding, and that includes disappointment.
The bride-to-be, in particular, is experiencing a wide range of feelings and may interpret your answer as hurtful and rejecting. Give them your word that this decision has nothing to do with how close you are as friends. Then, wait for a while. Hurts and disappointments can be healed with some time.
Before making a final choice, you should consider the benefits and negatives. If you're in a difficult financial spot, you shouldn't feel obligated to accept a bridal party invitation. It's a great privilege to be invited to a wedding and an opportunity to feel even closer to the newlyweds.
There are many of acceptable excuses to gently decline the job of bridesmaid. Not being able to afford the wedding will prevent you from attending, so please let the couple know that. If a close buddy is honest about their inability to finish a task, that should not harm their friendship.
You shouldn't try to hide the real reason you can't be a bridesmaid. Any and all uses of social media are prohibited. If you don't want to be in the wedding party, it's best to have that conversation with the bride and groom in private. You have no idea where the bride is or what she is doing before, during, or after the engagement and wedding preparations.
Those in the know advise respectfully declining a bride's offer of an A-list seat if you don't have the cash to cover the cost. If you aren't willing to put in the time and effort required to fulfil the position of a bridesmaid, it's best not to accept the invitation.
If a significant life event has occurred or if you are starting a new employment, it is OK to decline the role. Avoiding the burden of planning a bachelorette party or bridal shower doesn't mean you can't be a part of the wedding. Planning a wedding at the same time as a good friend may sound exciting, but it might really end up adding more work to your plate.
Being asked to be a bridesmaid while already pregnant may be too much to take. It's really bad that some couples can't keep their cool when their bridal party is left out of the invitation chain. There are several ways in which you can assist the newlyweds. Don't go crazy, but know that any assistance, no matter how tiny, is deeply appreciated.
- If your best friend has asked you out and you're on the fence about whether or not to accept, don't feel obligated to give a yes or no answer.
- The first thing you should know is that saying "no" to becoming a bridesmaid does not make you an untrustworthy friend.
- Do not feel compelled to accept a bridal party invitation if money is tight for you.
- Recognize the gravity of the request, thank them for their friendship, and then say you need time to think about it.
- If you don't intend to follow through on your promise, it's preferable not to make it right away.
- Tell the couple that you're unable to attend the wedding owing to financial reasons.
- Your friend should not be held responsible for your decision to decline.
- Responding to an invitation with a text or email that declines at the last minute.
- You should inform the couple as soon as feasible about your decision.
- Refusing to participate in the wedding party is something you should discuss privately with the couple, not broadcast amongst all of your other friends.
- Experts agree that it's never a smart idea to try and cover up the genuine reason you're declining to be a bridesmaid.
- Experts believe that if a bride offers you a seat on her A-list but you don't have the money to pay for it, you should politely decline the offer.
- Choosing not to be a bridesmaid allows you to save money for a more substantial wedding present.
- Tell her the truth about your current financial status, whether you're saving for a down purchase or didn't get the rise you were hoping for.
- Tell her that you'd love to be a part of the wedding party, but that you just can't swing it financially right now.
- Whether or not you can spare the time to be in your friend's bridal party depends on your other obligations, so keep that in mind.
- As a member of the wedding party, it is highly recommended that you do not try to prepare for two separate activities on the same day.
- Being a supportive friend to the bride through both happy and sad times is an essential part of a bridesmaid's role.
- So, if you're starting a new job, you can safely decline the bridesmaid role.
- While it may sound exciting to plan a wedding at the same time as a close friend, doing so may leave you with crowded schedules, tighter funds, and an even longer list of tasks to complete.
- If you find after going through your checklist that you can't be both a bridesmaid and a bride, then you should let your buddy know right away.
- That's why, among other things, she believes you should never plan to give birth the week before your wedding.
- Morning sickness and overall pain will not put you in a celebratory mood if you are trying to conceive and will be in your first trimester during your friend's wedding.
- Just tell your pal how you really feel.
- Don't feel like you need to give a long explanation about money being a factor in your decision to decline, no matter how valid those reasons are.
- Even if you can't be in the wedding party, there are still plenty of ways you can lend a hand to the happy couple.