When I first started working in the wedding industry, the bridal party was pretty clear-cut: bridesmaids lined up with the bride, and groomsmen stood by the groom. But over the years, I’ve noticed a refreshing shift in wedding traditions. One trend that has particularly caught my attention is the rise of the “bridesman.”
The concept of a bridesman is still relatively new, but it’s quickly becoming a popular choice for many couples looking to break from tradition. Instead of adhering strictly to gender roles, a bridesman is a close male friend, relative, or trusted confidant who stands alongside the bridesmaids in the bridal party.
As someone who got married at Vogue Ballroom in 2017, I remember how important it was for my partner and me to celebrate our closest relationships. It wasn’t just about the wedding party being a group of people who fit a certain gender norm; it was about including the people who mattered most to us, regardless of gender. The idea of a bridesman – someone who’s there to support and share in the bride’s big day – fits perfectly into this modern, inclusive vision.
In this article, I’ll take you through what it means to have a bridesman, why this role is becoming more common, and how it differs from the traditional bridesmaid. Whether you’re considering adding a bridesman to your own wedding party or just curious about this evolving tradition, I’ll share everything you need to know to embrace this unique role and make your big day feel more personal and inclusive.
Why Bridesmen Are Becoming a Popular Choice in Weddings
When I first heard about the concept of a bridesman, I must admit, I thought, “What an interesting twist on tradition!” After all, the idea of gender-neutral wedding roles wasn’t something I had encountered in the early years of my wedding career. But as trends in weddings shifted, it made perfect sense to me. Weddings, like everything else, evolve to reflect the times. And in today’s world, where the lines between gender roles are increasingly blurred, it feels right that the people standing next to you on your wedding day reflect the strength and diversity of your closest relationships – regardless of gender.
In Melbourne, I’ve noticed this shift becoming more pronounced over the past few years. Couples are increasingly stepping away from the idea that only women can be bridesmaids and only men can be groomsmen. The rise in same-sex marriage and the growing visibility of trans and non-binary individuals have paved the way for a more inclusive approach. More than ever, we’re seeing bridesmen (and groomswomen) as the norm, not the exception. This also opens up opportunities to bring in male friends, brothers, or even close colleagues into the wedding party – people who may not necessarily fit the traditional gender expectations, but are still just as important.
I recall working with a couple a few years back – Sarah and Luke – who decided to make things a bit different for their wedding at Vogue Ballroom. Luke had been best friends with Sarah’s brother for years, and when it came time to choose the bridal party, Sarah wanted Luke by her side, standing alongside her bridesmaids. It wasn’t just about honouring their friendship but acknowledging how important his role was in her life. It was a beautiful moment during the ceremony when Sarah had her brother and Luke walk down the aisle side by side. It was a symbol of friendship and family, with no regard for whether they fit the traditional “bridesmaid” role.
What is a Bridesman and How Does It Differ from a Bridesmaid?
At first glance, the concept of a bridesman might sound a bit unusual, but when you break it down, it’s quite simple. A bridesman is essentially a man chosen by the bride to be part of the bridal party. He plays the same role as a bridesmaid, providing emotional support, helping with the planning process, and ensuring the bride’s day goes smoothly.
But what sets a bridesman apart is that he breaks away from the conventional wedding party dynamics. While bridesmaids are typically female, a bridesman challenges the idea that gender should dictate who gets to stand by the bride’s side. In fact, it’s not just a symbolic gesture; it’s a celebration of the bond the bride shares with her friend or family member, regardless of gender.
To draw a comparison, a bridesman is much like a groomswoman (or groomsmaid) standing by the groom. It’s about creating a space where people you love and trust – regardless of their gender – can be part of your special day. I’ve worked on several weddings where this blend of roles was a huge hit with guests. There’s something about seeing the diversity and inclusiveness that really adds to the atmosphere.
Take Jess and Sam’s wedding, for instance. Sam had always been best mates with Jess, and when the couple started planning their wedding, Sam wasn’t just going to be relegated to being another groomsman. He was an integral part of Jess’s support network, and it only made sense for him to stand next to her, not just behind her. Sam’s role wasn’t just a title, it was about their connection, and that made the wedding even more meaningful.
The Bridesman Duties: What to Expect Before, During, and After the Wedding
When it comes to the duties of a bridesman, there’s no shortage of responsibility. While the role itself might not come with a strict rulebook, the general idea is that a bridesman shares many of the same responsibilities as a bridesmaid. Think emotional support, wedding prep, and, of course, a helping hand during the big day.
Before the Wedding:
Before the wedding day itself, a bridesman is expected to be there in a big way. Picture this: a month or so before the wedding, you’re working on DIY wedding projects with the bride. You’ve been helping her pick out wedding favours, arranging the flowers, and making sure the catering staff knows exactly what’s needed. I remember how involved a groom’s mate, Dean, was during Ellie’s wedding preparations. He spent hours sorting out the floral centrepieces, assembling little gift bags, and even helping her with dress fittings. It’s more than just ‘being there’; it’s about showing up and making sure everything runs smoothly.
A bridesman might also find himself assisting with the more traditional pre-wedding events – bridal showers, bachelorette parties, or even a joint bachelor/bachelorette gathering. In Melbourne, I’ve noticed many couples opting for more inclusive or co-ed pre-wedding events, and it’s been a game-changer. Gone are the days when men were excluded from bridal showers. Now, everyone, regardless of gender, can bond over a champagne toast before the big day.
One of my favourite moments was at a joint bachelor/bachelorette event for a couple I worked with last year. Instead of a typical “girls-only” bridal shower, the group had a fantastic co-ed day of fun, food, and laughter at a beautiful venue in Richmond. It was a wonderful opportunity for everyone, including the bridesman, to bond and celebrate the couple in a relaxed, inclusive setting. It also allowed the bridesman to fully immerse himself in the pre-wedding festivities, helping out with the planning while strengthening his friendship with the bride.
On the Day of the Wedding:
The wedding day itself is when the bridesman truly shines. One of the biggest responsibilities is being there for the bride, ensuring everything runs on time, and keeping her calm as she navigates the whirlwind of wedding-day emotions. Think of it like this: the bridesman is a backup quarterback. You’ve got the groom, but the bridesman’s there for support, running last-minute errands, and stepping in whenever a situation arises.
From assisting with last-minute adjustments to being part of those picture-perfect wedding photos with the bridesmaids, the role of the bridesman is crucial. In the case of one wedding I worked on recently, there was an unexpected wardrobe malfunction, and the bridesman – a well-prepared guy named Matt – had a spare sewing kit in his bag. Thanks to him, the bride’s dress was back on track in no time. It’s moments like that where a bridesman truly earns his place in the wedding party.
After the Wedding Day:
Once the wedding day is over, the job doesn’t quite end for a bridesman. Much like the best man, a bridesman may help settle any final payments or ensure that rental items are returned. It’s also about continuing that support as the couple enters their married life. I’ve found that many couples rely heavily on their bridal party, including their bridesman, for emotional support after the wedding – it’s a major life transition, after all.
What Should a Bridesman Wear? Tips for Coordinating Attire
One of the most common questions I get from couples considering a bridesman is: What should he wear? While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, the goal is always the same – to create a look that feels cohesive with the bridal party while still allowing the bridesman to stand apart from the groomsmen. After all, a bridesman is still part of the bridal party, but he’s also not quite a groomsman. It’s all about finding the right balance.
Coordinate with the Bridesmaids’ Colour:
One approach is to have the bridesman wear a suit that complements the bridesmaids’ colour scheme. For example, if the bridesmaids are wearing navy blue dresses, a bridesman could wear a suit in a similar tone, like a darker navy or grey. This keeps things visually cohesive without making him blend in entirely with the groomsmen.
I worked with a couple, Clare and Michael, who decided to go this route for their wedding at The Langham, Melbourne. Clare’s bridesmaids wore emerald green, so they chose a dark charcoal suit for the bridesman, matching the elegant tone of the bridesmaids’ attire but still standing out against the groomsmen in black suits. It was a subtle yet impactful way to integrate him into the party.
Key Takeaways for Couples Considering a Bridesman
As more couples embrace the idea of a bridesman, it’s important to remember that the role is about celebrating the bonds of friendship and family, not about fitting a particular mold. If you’re considering adding a bridesman to your wedding, here are some key takeaways to keep in mind:
1.Choose Someone Who Matters to You:
A bridesman is meant to be someone who has played a significant role in your life – a close friend, a supportive brother, or a family member who has been there for you through thick and thin. This is not just about shaking up the traditional wedding party; it’s about recognising the people who are important to you and who you want by your side on your big day.
2. Make Sure the Attire Works for Everyone:
Whether you choose to have your bridesman wear the same as the groomsmen or coordinate a unique look, make sure the attire reflects both the overall wedding theme and the individual’s style. The most important thing is that the bridesman feels comfortable and confident in his outfit.
3.Keep Communication Open:
Don’t assume that everyone knows their role or what’s expected of them. Have an honest conversation with your bridesman about what you need and what he’s comfortable with. Whether it’s a specific task or just being there to support you, clear communication ensures everyone feels included and valued.
4.Incorporate Inclusivity into All Aspects of Your Wedding:
A bridesman is just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to making your wedding feel inclusive. Whether it’s through co-ed pre-wedding events, mixed-gender dances, or ensuring all your guests feel welcome, your wedding day can be a celebration of diversity and unity. Melbourne’s wedding scene has been a wonderful example of how diverse couples can make their big day their own, and embracing this approach will make your wedding day feel even more special.
As weddings become more modern and inclusive, roles like the bridesman are here to stay. They reflect the diverse friendships and families that play such a vital part in our lives. Whether you’re considering a bridesman for your own wedding or just curious about this growing trend, one thing is clear: it’s all about celebrating your closest relationships, regardless of gender.
As you start planning your wedding, think about the people who have supported you through thick and thin. Whether they’re family, friends, or colleagues, including them in your wedding party – no matter their gender – can make your celebration even more meaningful.
Remember, at the end of the day, a wedding is about the love and connection you share with those closest to you. So, whether you’re having a bridesman, a groomswoman, or a completely gender-neutral party, make sure your choices reflect who you truly are and the people you love.
