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What Are The Most Important Things In A Marriage?

When you see an old couple holding hands or sharing romantic kisses while sitting on a park bench, doesn’t that spark warm feelings of love and happiness in your heart? Doesn’t it make you think about how they maintained their relationship for so many years when couples you know have trouble making it past six months? And of course, some people are not made for each other, so their relationship simply doesn’t work. But then some couples give up the minute an obstacle comes along, which makes you think their relationship wasn’t significant to them in the first place. Everyone has to understand preserving a strong, happy, and prosperous relationship because love is colourful, and the same kind of love doesn’t exist for everyone. Being in a loving relationship that continues to thrive, I’m going to share some of the few things that I believe should exist between two lovers who want to sustain their prosperous relationship.

Successful couples are savvy. They read books, attend seminars, browse Web articles and observe other successful couples. However, successful couples will tell you that they also learn by experience — trial and error.

Making sure your relationship stays great means being proactive about keeping things happy, healthy, and stimulating. Couples who ignore the work necessary to maintain the spark and passion that was all so easy in the first year can put their relationship peril by falling into a routine.  

What is essential in a relationship? Is it the man, or is it the woman? Or the love between them?

Two people and the love between them indeed make a relationship, but is that enough to have a lasting relationship? Well, not really, because other aspects are equally cardinal in a relationship. These make the foundations of a relationship. Without them, the connection will start to wither at the smallest of troubles.

What are these “other” important things in a relationship, and why are they essential? This post tells you about the 15 essential elements in a relationship and why they are vital.

What Is Important In Marriage?

A successful relationship has certain things in common. Although the list might look different, the principles are the same. It’s the common thread we need to look for.  

Essentials of a healthy marriage:

Love/Commitment.

At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion portrayed on television, the big screen, and in romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever—and that is what defines healthy marriages.

Marriage is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life.

The connection can be enjoyed in many types of relationships; thus, the desire to marry must be based on something more than a simple connection. I believe that something is commitment.

Commitment is more than just staying power. In some of the long-term cohabiting couples I have worked with, even couples who have been together long enough to have teenage children, one partner said they felt deprived, in a way, by not having been asked to get married. It seems to me that commitment is the act of choosing a partner for life and, with that act, implying unconditional acceptance of the person—flaws and all.

Cohabiting, like marriage, can end at any time. But I believe the difference lies at the beginning, not the ending. For some, cohabitation might begin with a sort of shrug, a “Let’s see if we can make this work.” It’s often an experiment. It might be a fun one, but for some, it represents a temporary state of being that will eventually lead to either break up or marriage, rather than a long-term choice (though of course, some individuals enter a cohabiting arrangement committed to each other, with no plans to alter their arrangement).

A breakup, after which a cohabiting partner moves out, can be painful and difficult. But when a divorce ends marriage, much of the pain often lies in the rejection of the commitment upon which the marriage was founded.

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Communication

Communicating with your partner is essential. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but communication is key. If something is bothering you or what your partner wants to do isn’t what you’re interested in, say something! Neither you nor your partner is mind readers, so how are they supposed to know how you feel if you keep your feelings bottled up inside? Not speaking up and communicating your ideas, feelings, desires, and wants is unhealthy because one day, you might blow up and say some things you’ll either regret or feel sorry for saying. Communicate to find a middle ground in your relationship because it’s unfair for one person to accommodate the other constantly. Relationships cannot grow without communication, so don’t be afraid to speak your mind and embrace your thoughts.

Trust and Honesty

A relationship cannot continue without trust and honesty. By being honest with your partner, they have no reason to doubt you or not trust you. Trust is vital in a strong and successful relationship because you don’t want to think twice about what your partner says or does. Almost anything can be acceptable in a relationship as long as you’re honest with your partner. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that everything else in your life has to change. You can still see your friends, go out, and be your own person, but be honest with your partner with whatever you do because by hiding something from them, you might be giving them the perfect reason not to trust you.

Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything in a successful marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are and doing what you say you’ll do. It takes time, so start now—and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you’ll need to work even harder.

Sexual Faithfulness.

Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse.

Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness.

We aren’t talking bedroom antics here. (We will get to those shortly!). We are talking about all the little things you can do to keep things sexy (and stop doing unsexy things) in the relationship. 

Take a tip from Frenchwomen, who never let their partner see them brushing their teeth. Unpleasant things that couples do because they have “passed the probation period’, like passing gas openly or cutting their fingernails while watching TV? Unsexy.

It’s perfectly fine and, in fact, good for a relationship for you to do certain things in private. 

Most people immediately relate intimacy to sex, when actually, having sex can help avoid intimacy. The most important elements of intimacy are openness and honesty, both of which may require sharing things that one is ashamed of. Yet being able to be vulnerable to a partner is the very ingredient that makes the act of sex one of such supreme closeness and, well, intimacy.

The vulnerability of real intimacy can be compared to the thrill of roller coasters: We know we won’t die, but we feel, in the pit of our stomach, as if we might. We are about to give up our very selves, just for a moment, and we could lose everything in that moment. In terms of a partnership, it is at that moment that we are one.

But how do we get there? How do we overcome the shyness, the shame of discussing a father who abandoned the family or a mother who criticized us and made us feel small?

To do so, we must develop self-love. We must get to that place where we know we are not our parents, where we no longer believe their abuse. We must love ourselves for who we are and who we can be. This self-love is what can eventually allow us to be open, honest, and vulnerable with another person.

Say Sorry

Do you know the power of the two words “I’m sorry” is one of the most healing in the world? Be generous with your multiple “I’m sorry”. It is often just what it takes to stop a heated argument from escalating. It also has the power to bring you closer together.

Don’t follow it with a “but…..” I’m sorry is enough, all on its own. 

Connection

Most of us want to connect with others in some way. Many people consider meaningful connections—whether these connections are with friends, family members, or significant others—to be the most important part of their lives or what they desire most from life. A listening ear, validation, empathy, sharing, and understanding can all be elements of a healthy connection. These elements serve as a basis for establishment as well as the benefits of the connection. This connection is not limited to a marriage, however. It can be experienced within the context of a friendship, parent-child relationship, or strong sibling relationship.

A strong connection often serves as a foundation upon which other elements are built. Therefore, when we feel disconnected from our partner, this can be a warning sign, and it might be beneficial to seek the help of a professional to avoid losing something fundamental.

Loyalty 

When you and your partner have agreed on a monogamous relationship, then loyalty becomes a key aspect. But what is loyalty?

The resistance to unhealthy thoughts about a beautiful colleague; it is refusing to flirt back with an old flame. Love with loyalty is probably more important than just love. So when your partner cannot stay loyal but says ‘I love you,’ will you be able to believe those words?

Probably not. Love, combined with loyalty, is pure and long-lasting. Your partner may not be as attractive as your colleague or as soft-spoken as your old flame, but you chose them each time. And when you are loyal to the one you love, that is one thing you would not change for the rest of your life.

Humility

We all have weaknesses, and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward.

If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you—that simple exercise should help you stay humble. Repeat as often as necessary.

Patience/Forgiveness

Because no one is perfect (see #3), patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past errors to hold their partner hostage.

And they do not seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free.

No relationship is perfect. That’s because none of us is perfect. People make mistakes in everyday life in the same way that people make mistakes in relationships. Of course, some things are unforgivable, such as cheating on your partner (at least in my eyes), because it means that your relationship didn’t mean much to you anyway. But, most things can be forgiven. Forgiveness is extremely important and necessary in a relationship because we have to accept and be reminded that we aren’t perfect. So if I bailed on you because something important came up or you had a bad day at work and said some things to me that should have been directed at someone else out of anger, it’s okay. Sometimes all it takes is a simple I’m sorry, and I forgive you.

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Respect and Appreciation

Without respect and appreciation, there is no love. How can you disrespect the one you love and care for? Exactly: it’s hard to find an answer. Respect is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Respect your partner by choosing your words carefully, honouring boundaries, being willing to compromise, showing consideration, and protecting your partner. Make sure you’re being respected by knowing your worth, acting honourably, setting and upholding boundaries, being a man or woman of your word, and showing respect for yourself. Appreciate your partner for who they are, the things they do for you, the support they give you, and the growth that they contribute to building your own identity.

Emotional Support

Real men don’t cry. There is a load of bullshit. I have been blessed to be surrounded by a few strong and courageous men in my life who I’ve seen shed a tear or cry when losing a loved one or simply out of pure happiness. We all have emotions. Though we try to hold them in check, those emotions sometimes boil over; it It’sportant to show emotional support for your partner r in relationships, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. So when your partner is going through a tough time or is struggling for whatever the reason might be, stray away from the pathetic Be A Man go-to phrase and be their shoulder to lean on. If your partner knows that you’re emotionally there for them, they might have an easier time opening up to you in the future.

Time.

Relationships don’t work without the time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent.

The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in a while wouldn’t hurt either.

SelFlessness.

Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together.

This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest in them daily.

Accomplishing the marriage advice listed above will always require nearly every bit of yourself—but it so worth it if you want to learn how to have a happy marriage.

A successful and healthy marriage is more valuable than most of the temporal things we chase after with our lives. And will always last longer.

Love your partner, and love yourself, too

Good, healthy relationships are made up of two good and healthy people. Do not erase yourself to accommodate the relationship, or it will fail.  

Practice self-care so you can be wholly present for your partner, in mind, body, and spirit.

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