We all watched The Hangover and were left wondering if strippers who are too friendly and blackouts are standard fare at today's stag parties. Relax; it's unlikely that your fiance will be stuck on a roof. We inquired of regular dudes, just like your future hubby, and learned the specifics of his "final" weekend of freedom before tying the knot.
Although the fiancée and they have the kind of relationship where we can discuss these things freely and set expectations (other types of relationships are not recommended for marriage, by the way), You worry that Brides readers may be put off by the many articles portraying bachelor parties as booze-addled stripper fests. So, here's the deal.
The phrase "We have a bachelor party to go to this weekend" is one of the most dreaded in the English language. Nonetheless, there is (probably) nothing to be concerned about. The term "bachelor party" may conjure up visions of stoned bros tearing up a posh strip joint, but in reality, most bachelor parties are considerably more sedate occasions than anything in The Hangover Part II. These are the things that truly go down at bachelor parties:
His Friends Are There for Themselves, Not Your Fiancé
He's a decent human being, but we're in the party mood. To celebrate the groom's "final night of freedom," the guys get together for a few rounds of drinks and a reenactment of the wild antics that bonded them as friends in high school or college. Just like in the ancient days, we roast the groom and make fun of him for what he's about to give up.
The Term "Booze-Addled" Is Reasonable
Yes, we do consume precisely the same amount of alcohol as you believe we do. Any insignificant occurrence serves as justification for drinking at a bachelor party, which is essentially just a drinking binge disguised as a celebration.
The Term "Sex Fest" Is Not As
Bachelor parties have long been known for their emphasis on sex, which is usually more of an idea than a reality. The guys in committed relationships or marriages get a kick out of seeing the single guys try to woo women. The males who aren't taken will try to persuade the guys who are connected to do something they shouldn't, and here's where we advise you to express your reservations to your man before letting him loose in the world. In case you were worried, though, drinking takes up the lion's share of the time.
Most Appropriate Word Might Be "Horrifying Mess"
College was the perfect time to drink cheap beer and eat fast food for two days straight. Weekends were referred to as such. Now? The taste of the spicy chicken sandwich isn't quite as pleasant on the tongue as we recall, and we can only imagine how awful it must be on the stomach. Despite this, we tend to go for the extreme, even if it has unpleasant consequences. There is a strong odour of stale cigarettes, sweaty workout clothes, and embarrassment, and the floors are littered with empty beer cans and hot dog remnants.
They Recall Their Time In College.
Even if your banker isn't actually chugging Pabst, a round of "Chug! Chug! Chug!" will make him feel quite tipsy. Even if they're drinking high-end bourbon, most bachelor parties are just a get-together of old buddies who revert to their younger selves.
They Make Stupid Decisions.
By "stupid," we don't mean the guys make out with an attractive bottle lady in a private cabana; we're referring to their Speedo-style swimsuits. Because this isn't the kind of party he usually attends, the planner usually goes all out.
They Spend A Lot.
It's not just the ladies who go out of their way to make your weekend memorable (ahem, spa day); the gents at your bachelor party do the same. One group planned a surfing trip to Nicaragua, and another shelled over $300 just to cut the line in a nightclub.
The Groom Is Embarrassed.
These may take the form of forcing him to wear an offensive t-shirt or displaying embarrassing (large-scale) photographs at the country club where they play golf. You knew all along that guys would unite over scatological humour, and now comes the time for the grand finale.
They Might Visit A Nightclub.
Although going to a strip club throughout the weekend is not for everyone, it is traditionally considered a necessary component of the bachelor party experience for the vast majority of men. You shouldn't worry about it since it is what it is, and you shouldn't change anything.
There Could Be Conflict.
Bringing his best friend from childhood into the fold of his college pals and new coworkers can lead to some unpleasant situations. Even if you make every effort to be a team player, there will inevitably be instances when your personality conflicts with those of your coworkers. This is especially the case if one of the guys wants to drink heavily while the others would rather relax during the day, or if one of the guys is strapped for cash and the others chip in to cover his bar tab.
They Have Exciting Plans.
It's not simply bars with free tequila all night. The majority of men have busy schedules and cherish their free time too much to want to waste it partying or recovering from hangovers. Weekends can be spent doing anything from deep-sea fishing and visiting artisan distilleries to golfing and exploring the great outdoors.
They Are Exhausted
Even if you sleep in and relax during the day, a party marathon on little sleep is still physically demanding. Most men are not used to such a frenetic pace, and it will eventually wear them down. Help him out by giving him some time to rest and relax upon his return, and he'll appreciate you even more.
They Sincerely Appreciate You.
It's unlikely that he'll be sending you hourly texts from the party, but he'll definitely be thinking about you when it's over. Weekends like that are busy, but they also serve as a reminder of how thankful he is to have you in his life. Being single is a lot of work.
"That Guy" Is Always There.
We're all intoxicated, but someone's bound to go over the edge and demand that everyone treat him with kid gloves so he doesn't get jailed. At some point, we all begin to secretly wish he would be taken into custody. The ladies can probably also figure out who he is. Please don't let your guy be that guy.
Someone Will Be Harmed.
This may take place throughout a drunken belly flop contest, arm wrestling bout, or go-kart collision; however, it is more likely to take place when a fight breaks out for no apparent cause.
Bros Will Always Be Bros
Possibly after the battle, as indicated above, but more likely for no immediately apparent reason, there will be numerous almost-too-long-for-comfort bro hugs and "I LOVE YOU MAN" s.
You shouldn't worry about much at all, as you can see. You'll know your man had the time of his life at the bachelor party as long as he returns hung over, filthy, and stripped of all dignity.
FAQs About Bachelor Party
There are no longer any hard and fast rules when it comes to organising a wedding, but a bachelor party is a charming custom that the vast majority of men like.
It is an opportunity to "hang with the men" and for the groom to be the centre of attention, if only for a day or night – or maybe for more than that!
If the bachelor party is going to be a local one-night event, giving attendees 4-6 weeks' notice should be plenty for most of them. However, you should start planning three to six months in advance if you want to host a bachelor party at a destination.
It is important to give your guests plenty of advanced notice to clear their schedules and shop for the lowest prices on airline tickets, rental cars, and hotel rooms.
Compared to bridal showers, bachelor parties are often organised a short time before the wedding; anywhere from one to three weeks in advance is ideal.
On the other hand, if you want to invite people from out of town, you should try to schedule the bachelor party on a weekend that coincides with a holiday.
Discuss the guest list for the bachelor party with the groom to determine who should be included. A local bachelor party should typically have between 10 and 15 guys, although the group size isn't necessarily important. It is imperative that male members of the family, as well as the wedding party, be invited.
The invites to a bachelor party are typically more casual than those to a wedding shower due to the less formal nature of the party itself. A written invitation is always more good-looking than a phone call, even though a phone call is acceptable.
An evite or email is a decent compromise for an invitation to a bachelor party if you don't want to spend the time or money on a traditional invitation.
How Far is Too Far?
You may not be able to give a precise definition of pornography, but you'll "know it when you see it," as the old adage goes. If something seems unethical at a bachelor party, it probably is.
Male Bonding Activities For Beginners
Activities such as gambling, smoking cigars, and drinking fine Scotch are quite safe. Think about postponing the nuptials if your future wife's safety is at jeopardy due to this behaviour. Seriously. Each man should, at the absolute least, have a few hours to spend with his closest bros.
Meeting and Flirting with Strange Women at a Club
When your friends bring you out to a pub, they will undoubtedly tell the servers and random girls that it is your final night of freedom, your last song, and your last chance to breathe fresh air.
To be clear, this is complete nonsense. Even if you and they agree that being in a relationship means giving up some degree of independence (which we don't), your "final gasp of freedom" was months or years ago; you're already in a monogamous relationship and have given up all hope of ever being truly independent. Therefore, you have no valid reason to deviate from the path.
On the other hand, innocent flirtation at your bachelor party is quite acceptable (as long as it remains harmless).
Visiting a Strip Club Simply to Watch
To an extent, it is feasible to visit a strip club for the sole purpose of spectating. Visiting Home Depot just to look at the piping and lumber is as rational as this.
To be more precise, it's the equivalent of sitting at a restaurant and watching other people eat. In a strip club, the dancers and staff are all working to make a living, thus your presence likely reduces their earnings.
Refusing the girls' services is also an insult to them. They put forth a lot of effort for your benefit, and only a jerk would disregard it.
Tipping a Stripper on Stage
You've seen it before. Strippers are most attentive to paying customers while they are performing their pole dance in front of an audience and onstage. The level of attention is not quite as intimate as in a lap dance, but it is still rather nice. While your fiance may not be overjoyed, she likely won't object.
The Lap Dance
This is the main controversy. To what extent does one "cheat" when obtaining a lap dance?
The best way to understand your fiance's feelings is to put yourself in her shoes. A thin, beautiful woman is rubbing her breasts all over you as she grinds her crotch against you, making you sweat with hunger. Your fiancée is envious, and you don't even know it. If this were any random female you met at a bar, she would be perfectly within her rights to break up with you on the spot.
To refute that, one may say that this is not just any female in a bar. The stripper isn't out to hurt you; she only wants another $100 from you in exchange for her controlled performance.
This depends on two factors:
- Your future wife's opinion on the situation.
- Thoughts and feelings about lap dances.
Let's say your fiance has forbidden you to engage in the practice of lapdancing, but your pals are free to do so whenever they choose. Something is wrong here, and it stinks. It's possible that your friends will make fun of you. Honestly, this could mean that you and your fiance have some major behavioural differences to work out. The rules are the rules, period. To risk cliche, your fiancée means more to you than a dance that lasts three minutes and costs more than $20.
Your goals constitute a second factor. If you think of the lap dance in the same light as, say, going to a casino in Las Vegas or going snorkelling in Hawaii, then she has nothing to worry about.
However, if you start demanding lap dances and being handsy because you're pining for your fiancée's breasts, she may have a point.
The Stripper's Kiss
We acknowledge that everyone has their own unique quirks, but at this point we must draw the line. Some may label us prudish, others may say we have the tank full for the wedding, but a kiss is a kiss. Finally, kissing is an act of infidelity. However, the sin is less serious than it otherwise would have been because of stripper was motivated solely by financial gain.
Kissing a Stranger at the Bar
When you ask us something, we'll answer it honestly. It's safe to assume that the guy who has a one-night stand with some random female to celebrate his forthcoming nuptials is the same guy who will go on to have an affair and contribute to the 50% divorce rate.
While camaraderie is guaranteed, most bachelor parties consist of supper followed by a possible (but not certain) trip to a strip joint. The majority of guys will use strippers at some point in their lives. There are varying degrees of "joy" for those who do go, from getting a lap dance to engaging in "extracurricular activities." The most well-behaved group of men we've seen at bars and clubs during bachelor parties has been the grooms-to-be or other men who have been invited by their partners. Those who know they shouldn't be doing it and feel bad about it are more likely to engage in behaviours that could be construed as cheating.
When it comes to bachelor parties, it appears that the best advice any bride can give is to urge her fiances to throw one. It's crucial to talk to your fiancé about what kinds of behaviour each of you thinks are too wild or out of line to avoid any confusion in the future. Your fiancé must make his own decision about whether or not to follow the guidelines, but at least he will know what you expect of him. Whenever a guy is in a serious relationship, he may view his bachelor's night out as little more than an opportunity to let his hair down. In reality, most men know that the evening before they first met their future spouse was the last time they spent a night out on their own.
The phrase "bachelor party" could make you think of drunk dudes having a blast in a ritzy nightclub. The typical bachelor party is much more subdued than the events shown in The Hangover Part II. A bachelor party is just an excuse to get drunk in public. Typically, a bachelor party is merely a group of guys getting together to act as they did when they were in their early twenties. The other group spent over $300 to skip the cover at a club, while the first went on a surfing trip to Nicaragua. Weekend strip clubs are a popular destination for most males.
Single life requires a lot of effort. The majority of guys are not accustomed to such a hectic schedule, and it will eventually take its toll on them. If you help him out by letting him have some downtime after he gets back, he'll appreciate you even more. Attending a strip club, chatting up attractive strangers, and rewarding on-stage striptease performers with tips are all examples. How much "cheating" occurs when trying to get a lap dance?
Two things will determine the outcome: your prospective wife's thoughts and your own plans. She need not be concerned if one treats the lap dance in the same vein as, say, a trip to Las Vegas or an outing snorkelling. It's typical for bachelor parties to start with dinner and then move on to a strip club later on. Experts believe that people who are aware they are doing something wrong and who have negative feelings about it are more prone to engage in behaviours that could be interpreted as cheating. The bride-to-be should feel comfortable opening up to the photographer about sensitive topics like a recent breakup.
The proprietors and staff members of bridal boutiques can provide invaluable insight and advice. Providing the photographer with a check list of "Must- Have's" for the family photo is a great idea.
- After watching The Hangover, we all found ourselves wondering if strippers being too friendly and blackouts are par for the course at modern stag parties.
- You worry that Brides readers may be turned off by the many articles portraying bachelor parties as booze-addled stripper fests, even though the fiancée and they have the kind of relationship where we can discuss these things freely and set expectations (other types of relationships are not recommended for marriage, by the way).
- We have a bachelor party to attend this weekend is one of the most feared statements that can be made in the English language.
- Most bachelor parties are much more subdued than the events depicted in The Hangover Part II, despite the common perception that the term "bachelor party" conjures images of stoned bros smashing up a swanky strip joint.
- The groom's "last night of freedom" is a time for his closest buddies from high school or college to reunite and relive the crazy times they had together.
- At a bachelor party, which is really simply a drinking spree in disguise, the groom and his friends can drink to celebrate anything.
- We Need to Rethink the Term "Sex Fest" The idea of sex during bachelor parties has been around for a long time, but it is rarely experienced in its full form.
- But in case you were afraid, most of the time is spent drinking.
- In this case, "horrifying mess" could be the best term to use. When I was in college, I could go two days without showering and just gorge on fast food and cheap beer.
- In spite of this, we favour the extreme, even if it leads to negative outcomes.
- Most bachelor parties are basically a bunch of guys getting together and acting like teenagers, even if they're drinking expensive bourbon.
- They Constantly Make Dumb Choices.
- Usually, when he's invited to a party like this, the host doesn't spare any expense because he knows he won't be able to top the last one.
- The guys at your bachelor party go out of their way to make your weekend special as well (ahem, spa day).
- The groom is feeling humiliated.
- It's impossible to avoid personality clashes with your coworkers no matter how hard you try to be a team player.
- If you help him out by letting him have some downtime after he gets back, he'll appreciate you even more.
- Even though it was a busy weekend, it served as a good reminder of how grateful he is to have you in his life.
- There's a good chance the ladies know who he is, too.
- Don't let your guy turn out to be the bad guy.
- If he comes back from the bachelor party hung over, dirty, and humiliated, you may rest assured that he had a great time.
- When it comes to the ethics of a situation, trust your gut: if it looks wrong at a bachelor party, it probably is.
- Every man needs a minimum of a couple hours every week to hang out with his bros.
- Intense Club Flirting Involving Complete Strangers Your buddies will take you out to a bar and tell the bartenders and random girls that it's your last night of freedom, your last chance to get some fresh air, and your last song.
- Your "last gasp of freedom" was probably months or years ago; you're already in a monogamous relationship and have given up all prospect of ever being completely independent. This is true even if you and they agree that being in a relationship involves giving up some degree of independence (which we don't).
- You should not veer from the road since there is no good reason to do so.
- In contrast, innocuous flirting at your bachelor party is perfectly OK (as long as it remains harmless).
- Going to the Strip Club Just for Observation It is possible to go to a strip club for the sole purpose of seeing.
- Lap Dancing To put it simply, this is the central point of contention.
- Putting yourself in your fiancee's position is the greatest approach to grasp how she feels.
- Feelings and thoughts on the subject of lap dances.
- Maybe they'll tease you about it.
- Rules are rules, end of discussion.
- However, she may have a point if you start demanding lap dances and becoming handsy because you're lusting after your fiancee's breasts.
- Behaviors that could be seen as cheating are more common among those who are aware they shouldn't be doing them and feel awful about doing them.
- Avoid such misunderstandings by discussing with your fiance what kinds of behaviour you both find outrageous or inappropriate.
- Even if your fiancé chooses not to follow them, he will at least know what you expect of him.
- When a man is committed to another person, he might not put much stock in the tradition of a bachelor's night out.
- Taking pictures of an engaged couple is a memorable and enjoyable event.
- Wedding photographers might charge as much as $18,000.
- Providing the photographer with a check list of "Must- Have's" for the family photo is a great idea.
- If everything else fails, think about hiring a wedding planner.
- The bride should feel comfortable opening up to the photographer about anything that might be affecting her, including a recent breakup.
- Do not argue with your photographer about who gets the first look.
- This photo session might serve as a practise run for the actual wedding shoot.
- Imagine for a moment the photographs that will be taken at your wedding.
- Consider making a list of your wants and requirements, and then ordering them from most important to least.
- If you've tried everything else and still can't pull it off, it might be time to hire a wedding planner.
- On your wedding day, you should hire a professional to do your hair and makeup.