When I think back to my own wedding day, the moment we exchanged our vows was hands down the most powerful. It wasn’t the grand venue, the beautiful decor, or even the delicious food—it was the vows we spoke to each other. Those words defined what was to come, and they marked the start of our forever.
Wedding vows are far more than just ceremonial words. They are promises, declarations of love, and commitments made in front of your closest friends and family. Think about it—these vows are the foundation on which your entire marriage rests. They capture everything you hope for in your relationship, and they set the tone for how you’ll face challenges, celebrate victories, and navigate life together.
In the hustle and bustle of wedding planning, vows often get overshadowed by other tasks, but don’t let that happen. Whether traditional or modern, your vows are your chance to speak directly from the heart and express what no other part of the ceremony can.
The Symbolism Behind Wedding Vows
Wedding vows symbolise the beginning of a lifelong partnership. They’re the words that make all the difference, offering a promise to stand by each other through thick and thin. They aren’t just promises for today but a commitment to the future.
Here in Australia, wedding vows are often considered sacred. Whether you’re tying the knot in a rural town or in the heart of Melbourne, the significance of your vows remains universal. They serve as the foundation for everything that follows. When you speak your vows, you’re not only promising to love your partner in the good times but also in the tough moments that will come along the way.
Traditional Wedding Vows: A Time-Honoured Approach
What Are Traditional Wedding Vows?
Traditional wedding vows are steeped in history and often come with a strong connection to religion or cultural heritage. They’re typically formal and follow a well-established script. Many couples choose them because they provide a sense of connection to the past, honouring generations before them. These vows, often recited word for word, carry an enduring strength and reverence that can make the ceremony feel timeless.
Classic Examples of Traditional Vows
The classic “for better or worse” and “till death do us part” phrases are staples in traditional vows. They carry a weight of commitment that’s hard to replicate. Here’s an example from the Church of England:
“I [Name] take you [Name] to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God, I make this vow.”
For couples opting for non-denominational vows, they may go something like this:
“I now take you to be my wedded [wife/husband/partner], to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy relationship of marriage. I promise to love and comfort you, honour and keep you, and forsaking all others, I will be yours alone as long as we both shall live.”
These vows come with a certain sense of gravitas that modern vows can sometimes lack, and that’s exactly what appeals to many couples looking for something familiar and profound.
Why Couples Choose Traditional Wedding Vows
Traditional vows offer comfort in their structure. Many couples feel that the tried-and-true promises of love, respect, and devotion serve as an excellent foundation for their marriage. In a world where many things change, these vows provide a sense of continuity and stability.
In my experience as a wedding planner, I’ve found that couples who choose traditional vows are often looking for a shared connection with their families and the generations before them. They want their ceremony to honour their cultural or religious background and feel deeply rooted in history. This is particularly common in more traditional communities, such as those in regional Australia, where family ties and customs often play a central role in the celebration.
Modern Wedding Vows: Crafting Your Own Unique Promise
The Freedom of Personalisation in Modern Vows
There’s a certain magic in modern wedding vows. Unlike traditional vows, which come with a set script, modern vows give you the freedom to speak from the heart, creating a personal and unique experience. I’ve worked with many couples who’ve opted for this route, and it’s always amazing to see how deeply they’re able to connect with their partner through their words.
These vows are all about the couple—about their relationship, their experiences, and the journey they’ve shared. Whether you choose to write them yourself or work with a vow-writing professional, modern vows allow you to express your love in ways that traditional vows simply can’t match.
Examples of Modern Wedding Vows
For couples looking to write their own vows, it’s all about the details. Here are some examples that I’ve seen at weddings:
- “Life brought us together, but love makes me choose you every single day. Your presence in my world has taught me the true meaning of partnership, trust, and unconditional support… I vow to respect your independence while cherishing our interdependence.”
- “Today marks the beginning of our official journey together, though our hearts have been intertwined for so long… Every day, I vow to choose you, support you, and grow alongside you.”
These vows reflect a deep connection, but also a sense of growth and partnership. They capture a couple’s shared experiences, hopes for the future, and their unwavering commitment to each other.
The Appeal of Custom Wedding Vows
More and more couples are gravitating toward custom vows because they allow for full expression. Modern vows are incredibly flexible, and in my experience, couples really appreciate the opportunity to say exactly what they feel. It’s one of the reasons that personal vows have gained so much popularity in recent years.
For example, a couple I worked with recently in Melbourne wrote their vows together and included funny anecdotes from their first dates. One partner promised, “I vow to never make you watch another one of your ‘dad movies’ unless it’s absolutely essential”, while the other partner promised, “I’ll always be your number one fan, even when your cooking is, well, not quite up to par”.
These vows were funny, personal, and lighthearted, reflecting their personalities and unique bond. At the same time, they were heartfelt, deep, and meaningful. Modern vows offer that kind of versatility.
Comparing Traditional and Modern Wedding Vows
Key Similarities Between Traditional and Modern Vows
Whether you’re opting for traditional or modern vows, both types of vows share a common goal: to express love and commitment. Both are promises made in front of your loved ones, meant to stand the test of time. The difference lies in the approach, but at their core, they all serve the same purpose: to solidify your bond with your partner.
In my experience, the most striking similarity is the essence of commitment that both traditional and modern vows offer. Regardless of the phrasing or style, both are rooted in the desire to make a lifelong promise to love, support, and stand by your partner through all the highs and lows of life. This fundamental commitment is what makes wedding vows so powerful, no matter the format.
How Traditional and Modern Vows Differ
While traditional vows are steeped in history and often follow a set structure, modern vows are incredibly flexible, allowing for more creative freedom. As someone who’s worked with a wide variety of couples, I’ve seen the full spectrum of vow styles, from the deeply spiritual and classic to the lighthearted and humorous. Here’s a closer look at the key differences:
- Personalisation: Traditional vows tend to be more formal and structured, following time-honoured phrases like “for better or worse” and “till death do us part.” Modern vows, on the other hand, offer the opportunity for couples to inject their personality, personal stories, and unique promises into their vows. Couples today can speak from the heart, using their own words and experiences to create something that feels more meaningful and personal.
- Religious Elements: Traditional vows, especially those rooted in religious ceremonies, often include spiritual language and references to a higher power, such as in Christian, Jewish, or Hindu ceremonies. Modern vows, however, are often more flexible and can be tailored to the couple’s specific beliefs. Whether you choose a religious, spiritual, or secular approach, modern vows allow you to align your words with your personal values.
- Restrictions: Modern vows have no real restrictions on content, giving couples full freedom to express themselves however they see fit. Traditional vows, on the other hand, often have a set format that’s expected to be followed, particularly in religious or formal ceremonies.
- Format: While traditional vows are typically recited aloud in a standard format, modern vows can be delivered in a variety of ways. Some couples choose to say their vows in unison, others opt for a creative performance, such as singing, reading from letters, or even recording a video. In one recent wedding I attended, the couple chose to exchange handwritten letters to each other, which were then read aloud to the guests—such a unique and personal touch!
Why Choose Personalised Wedding Vows?
Crafting Vows That Truly Reflect Your Relationship
There’s something deeply special about writing your own vows. I can still remember the moment my partner and I sat down to write our vows—it was a chance to reflect on everything we had been through together and the future we wanted to create. It felt like we were creating a bond, a promise that was uniquely ours. The act of putting those feelings into words allowed us to connect on a deeper level than we ever had before.
Personalised vows allow you to capture the essence of your relationship in a way that’s meaningful to both of you. Unlike traditional vows, which often follow set phrases, personalised vows give you the opportunity to highlight your personal journey, your values, and the promises that matter most. Whether it’s a quirky inside joke, a promise to support each other’s goals, or a vow to never stop growing together, these vows reflect your one-of-a-kind bond.
Strengthening Your Connection with Meaningful Wedding Vows
One of the main reasons couples opt for personalised vows is the deeper emotional connection they create. When you take the time to write something that truly resonates with both you and your partner, it’s a powerful moment. This is especially true during the ceremony when the vows are exchanged in front of your loved ones—those words become more than just a part of the ritual; they become the bedrock of your marriage.
I’ve worked with couples who, during their vow-writing process, discover new layers to their relationship they hadn’t fully recognised before. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion—each promise, each word, becomes a new step forward in your partnership. The simple act of writing vows often brings couples closer together.
A Lasting Impression: How Personalised Vows Leave a Mark
Even the most succinct wedding vows can leave a lasting impact, especially when they’re personal. I remember attending a wedding in Sydney where the couple kept their vows short but incredibly meaningful. One of them said, “I vow to always make you laugh, even when it’s the last thing you feel like doing.” The simplicity of the vow made everyone chuckle, but it was also a promise that felt deep and genuine.
Short wedding vows, especially personalised ones, leave a strong impression because they feel real. They aren’t just borrowed words; they’re words that have come from the heart, and that authenticity resonates with everyone in the room.
How to Write Modern Wedding Vows: Step-by-Step Guide
Writing your own vows can feel daunting at first. But in my experience, couples who give themselves enough time and space to reflect on their relationship find the process incredibly rewarding. Here’s a simple, step-by-step guide I’ve shared with countless couples to help them craft vows that are meaningful and personal:
1. Start Early and Brainstorm
I always advise couples to start writing their vows at least two to three months before the wedding. This gives you enough time to think about what you want to say, revise your thoughts, and really settle into your vows. You don’t want to be scrambling the week before your wedding to come up with something heartfelt!
Begin by reflecting on your journey together. What’s been the most memorable part of your relationship? What challenges have you overcome? What do you love most about your partner? I often recommend journaling as a way to start this process. Write down the small moments that made you fall in love—sometimes, those are the ones that really capture the essence of your relationship.
2. Set Ground Rules as a Couple
Before diving into the writing process, it’s important to discuss a few ground rules with your partner. Do you want your vows to be similar or completely different in tone and style? Set a word or time limit—some couples prefer short wedding vows (300 words or so), while others want to go all out with longer promises. Discuss the tone too—whether you want them to be romantic, funny, or serious. This way, you both know what to expect and can avoid surprises on the big day.
3. Structure Your Vows (Key Components)
While there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for writing vows, there are a few key components that can help guide you. Here’s what I suggest:
- Introduction: Start by acknowledging your partner and the significance of the moment. You might even refer to them by a nickname or mention a special memory.
- Personal Anecdotes/Stories: Share stories that highlight what you love most about your partner, or moments that made you realise they were “the one.”
- Admirable Qualities: Talk about the traits you admire most in your partner, whether it’s their kindness, sense of humour, or unwavering support.
- Promises/Commitments: This is the core of your vows. Make specific, meaningful promises—what will you do for them? How will you support them? Be genuine and focus on the future.
- Closing: End with a powerful statement of love or a vision for your life together. Something that signifies your lifelong commitment.
4. Refining and Rehearsing Your Vows
Once you’ve written your vows, don’t just leave them at that. Read them aloud to ensure they flow naturally and sound like something you’d say. It’s a good idea to get feedback from a trusted friend or family member, too. You want to make sure your vows convey the right message and have the emotional impact you’re aiming for.
Special Circumstances and Innovative Approaches
Blended Families and Stepfamilies: Crafting Inclusive Vows
When it comes to wedding vows, family dynamics play a huge role, especially for couples with children from previous relationships. I remember working with a couple in Brisbane who had been together for a few years, blending two families. They wanted their vows to not only express their love for each other but also their commitment to their children.
In cases like these, it’s important to make the children feel included in the ceremony. Some couples choose to include their kids in the vows by making promises to them as well. For example, a step-parent might say: “I promise to love you like my own, to support you in everything you do, and to be there when you need me.” These promises go a long way in building trust and creating a sense of belonging for all members of the new family unit.
For a blended family, crafting vows can be a deeply emotional experience, one that reflects not just the bond between the partners but also the broader family unit. A vow that acknowledges both your partner and your children shows that you’re committed to the entire family dynamic, not just the two of you.
Multicultural Unions: Embracing Diversity
Australia is a beautifully diverse country, with couples from a variety of cultural backgrounds coming together to create unique unions. I’ve had the privilege of working with couples from different cultures, and it’s always inspiring to see how they incorporate elements of their traditions into their wedding vows.
For example, one couple I worked with was of Indian and Australian backgrounds. They chose to include a traditional blessing in Hindi during their vows, while also writing vows in English that reflected their shared commitment to a future together. Their vows highlighted the beauty of combining two rich cultures into one life.
If you and your partner come from different cultural or religious backgrounds, consider incorporating meaningful customs from each of your heritages into your vows. For instance, a couple might say: “Our love is a bridge between cultures, and I vow to honour and respect both of our traditions. I promise to build a home where all parts of our identity are celebrated.” This approach not only celebrates diversity but also acknowledges the richness of both cultures in the relationship.
Interactive Vows: Involving Guests in the Ceremony
One trend I’ve seen gain popularity in recent years is incorporating guests into the vow exchange. Couples often look for ways to make their wedding vows feel like a communal experience, and involving friends and family in the process adds a unique touch.
For example, I worked with a couple who decided to include a vow affirmation from their guests. During the ceremony, the officiant asked the guests to respond with a collective “We will” after each promise made by the couple. It created a beautiful, supportive atmosphere where everyone present felt like they were part of the vows and the commitment being made.
This interactive element makes the vows feel more like a shared promise, not just between the couple, but between the couple and their community. It’s a great way to make the wedding ceremony feel more inclusive and engaging.
Alternative Formats for Wedding Vows
There are no hard rules when it comes to delivering wedding vows. While many couples opt for the traditional spoken format, others choose alternative ways to express their promises, particularly when they want their vows to stand out. As a wedding planner, I’ve seen a range of creative approaches that make vows more memorable:
- Video Vows: Some couples choose to pre-record their vows and play them during the ceremony. This is a fantastic option for couples who may be nervous about speaking in front of a crowd but still want to share their heartfelt words.
- Musical Vows: I’ve worked with a couple who performed their vows as a song. If you and your partner are musically inclined, this could be a fun and unique way to express your commitment.
- Letter Exchange: For couples who want a more intimate vow exchange, writing letters to each other before or after the ceremony is a beautiful option. These letters can be exchanged privately or shared during the ceremony, adding a deeply personal touch.
- Vow Art: Another creative idea I’ve seen is vow art. Couples can create a visual representation of their vows, such as a painting or photo collage. This not only makes the vows visually stunning but also serves as a lasting keepsake that they can display in their home.
These innovative vow formats can add a personal flair to your wedding and make the moment even more memorable for you and your guests.
Delivering Your Wedding Vows: Making the Moment Count
How to Deliver Your Vows with Confidence
In all my years of working on weddings, one of the most powerful moments is when the couple delivers their vows. The delivery of your vows is just as important as what you say. It’s a moment when all eyes are on you, and the sincerity in your voice can make all the difference.
Here are some tips I share with couples to ensure they deliver their vows with confidence:
- Memorise or Read: Decide whether you want to memorise your vows or read them from a card. Both options are perfectly fine. If you’re nervous about memorising, there’s no shame in reading from a card, but if you can, try to memorise at least the key points. It helps you stay connected to your partner.
- Make Eye Contact: One of the most impactful things you can do during your vow exchange is to make eye contact with your partner. This keeps the moment intimate and makes it clear that you’re speaking directly to them, not to the audience.
- Speak Slowly and Clearly: Don’t rush through your vows. Take your time to speak clearly and with meaning. Pause between sentences to let your words sink in. You want your partner—and your guests—to feel the emotion behind every promise you make.
- Take a Moment to Centre Yourself: Before you start speaking, take a few deep breaths. Calm your nerves and centre yourself in the moment. This will help you focus and speak with clarity.
Backup Plan: Always Be Prepared
No matter how much preparation you put into your vows, sometimes things don’t go as planned. I recommend having a backup plan just in case. Keep a printed copy of your vows with you, even if you’ve memorised them. You might get emotional, or you may find yourself distracted by the atmosphere—having a backup copy ensures that you won’t miss a word.
It’s also a good idea to have a digital copy saved on your phone. In case of an emergency, you can easily refer to your phone and continue without missing a beat.
Resources and Tools
Writing and delivering wedding vows may seem like a daunting task, but there are plenty of resources and tools to help you along the way. I’ve worked with a range of couples, some of whom sought outside help to ensure their vows were perfect. Here are a few tools and services that can assist you:
Vow Writing Tools & Services
There are numerous vow-writing services available, like Bridesmaid for Hire, Wedding Words, and XO Juliet, that offer professional assistance in brainstorming, structuring, and editing your vows. If you want a little extra help getting started, these services can be a valuable resource.
Vow Books
Using a vow book to write your vows can help you stay organised. It also makes the vow exchange feel more official, and many vow books come with beautiful designs that can be used as keepsakes after the wedding.
Public Speaking Coaches
For those who are nervous about delivering their vows in front of a crowd, public speaking coaches can provide expert guidance. These coaches can help you with pacing, tone, and body language, ensuring that your vow delivery feels confident and heartfelt.
Online Guides and Examples
If you’re still struggling to find the right words, online guides and real-life examples can offer inspiration. There are plenty of examples of wedding vows on various websites that can help guide your writing process.
Final Thoughts on Crafting Your Wedding Vows
Key Takeaways for Writing Your Wedding Vows
- Start early and give yourself plenty of time to reflect on your relationship.
- Decide whether you want your vows to be humorous, serious, or a mix of both.
- Personalise your vows with anecdotes, promises, and shared memories.
- Rehearse, but don’t overthink it—speak from the heart.
- Remember, your vows are about you and your partner—don’t worry about impressing anyone else.
Let’s Get Straight to the Point
Wedding vows are an essential part of any wedding ceremony, symbolising commitment and love. Traditional vows are steeped in history and often follow a structured, formal format, while modern vows offer flexibility and allow couples to express their personal connection. Both types serve the same purpose of committing to a lifelong partnership, but modern vows provide more room for creativity and individualisation. Writing your vows can be a deeply emotional and personal experience, whether you stick with traditional promises or opt for something unique. Remember to start early, reflect on your relationship, and keep your vows meaningful and true to you both. Don’t forget to rehearse and prepare for the big moment.
